he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
