WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Oh god it's open bar.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
