Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
