Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
