your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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