She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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