im drinking this country out of the recession.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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