There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
