New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
