DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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