I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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