Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
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