i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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