Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
