So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
