I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
