I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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