you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
