we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
