Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
