I'm so fucking centered right now
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
