I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
