I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
