Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
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