I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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