I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
