We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
