Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
