you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
