i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
