Someone shit on the floor
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
