Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
