Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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