I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
