It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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