How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
