So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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