Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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