tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
