Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
