So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Less talking, more tequila
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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