Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
