Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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