We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
