I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
