You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
