The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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