bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
