i jhust puked up my retainher.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My vagina is very pro this idea
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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