Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
In other news, I just burned my penis
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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