and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
