Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize