why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
