I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
