we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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