I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
