You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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