Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
