Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
