Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
