i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
