Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
