How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
