**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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