oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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