yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
