she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
