Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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