He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
