You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
