I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
