She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
