O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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