Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
