Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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