Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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