He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
