i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
