I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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