So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
