We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
