You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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