there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
It was confusing and full of hummus
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
